You speak of us as murderors
You speak of us as savage conquerors
I never asked you to obey me
I never asked you to agree me
I always kneel down to your plea
Yet you thank me by a killing spree
Your reason is shaded by hate
So you wont realise youre only a bait
But youre so busy kissing ass
You cant realise youre just mass
You think youre king of the town
But you are only their clown
You want us to believe a crook
No thanks …
I can read myself a history book
And i can asure you your lies
Will mark your demise.
Your ”HOLY MOUNTAIN”
Is a traitor curtain
Where you breed your lies
And get our despise
by TheAnti
Looking for improvement.
RăspundețiȘtergereI understand that this is a diss so the rhymes are not bothering. I find the message very attractive.
RăspundețiȘtergere...improve your syntax.
RăspundețiȘtergere"I can read myself a history book" does make some sort of sense but sounds more like a literal translation from romanian. A more natural english order would be something along the lines of "I can read a history book by myself" but I know that would ruin your rhyme so you should find another way to make that work.
Also, "despise" cannot function as a noun, except for the form "despiser" which refers to the person doing the despising. So "and get our despise" should be replaced with something else with an appropriate meaning and form. You could try to work with "disgust" or "disdain", but the rhyming issue will also have to be sorted out.
Oh, and "agree me" is also incorrect, it should always be "agree with me". It can be used simply as "agree" + nouns, not pronouns. For example: "I agree your plans". But it is a rare use and more common in british, and so I don't think it fits your context.
Also, mind your spelling and take care.
With love,
The Grammar Police
Is it the same Anonim from the previous post? Now that's a challenge.
RăspundețiȘtergereEu nu personalizez, atata timp cat cineva nu isi arata identitatea nu imi ramane decat sa respect parerea.
RăspundețiȘtergere@Canibal: I bet she is the same, it seems to be the same writing style....and watch it because you did a mistake too. You cannot refer to Anonim by using 'it' since Anonim is a person, not an object... Watch it or your image will be damaged :))
RăspundețiȘtergereNtz, ntz, now this becomes very funny to follow-up.
Sorry guys but after reviewing a lot of documentation at work today and reading the comment from Anonim, I could not help it... :)
@missy: "I'm not a number, I am a free man" words from the Prisoner (British TV series and song from British band Iron Maiden). I really believe that, but Anonim is not a person, it is a nickname.
RăspundețiȘtergerequite unfair mai TheAnti....sa respecti parerea anonimilor si sa nu bagi in seama parerea cunoscutilor...
RăspundețiȘtergere@anonim: foarte bune observatii....tind sa cred ca esti profesoara de engleza, sau ca ai studiat la vreo facultate de litere....
Ma jigniti daca voi credeti ca eu m-as semna vreodata cu "The Grammar Police"...so fucking uptight!!
RăspundețiȘtergereComentariile anonimei anglofone (trebuie sa ne diferentiem intr-un fel, nu?) sunt pertinente, poate in afara de exemplul cu "I can read a history book by myself", care ar schimba intreaga propozitie la nivel semantic. "I can read a history book by myself" inseamna ca poti citi o carte de istorie singur, fara ajutorul altcuiva (asa ceva ar spune un copil in clasa 4). Si nu cred ca asta a vrut sa exprime TheAnti.
Ei, asta-i problema cu sintaxa corecta ... "chinuie", atunci cand nu e vorba de acte notariale sau stiri la TVR.
@TheAnti: nu te gandi prea mult la sintaxa (except the common sense rules), cand scrii. Citeste E.E. Cummings sau chiar si Walt Whitman. Ei si-au bagat picioarele in ortografie si sintaxa si totusi au scris minunat.
P.S.: Nu o sa va iert asa usor pentru confuzie.
Anonima din post-ul anterior
I was only trying to point out some mistakes that you can't get away with even in poetry. Fluency is something that gives you credibility, if you do not possess it in English then you should stick to your native language or, as someone else here recommended, read more English literature in order to obtain it. It doesn't necessarily pertain to perfect grammar, but obvious mistakes make the reader (especially native English-speaking readers) less focused on the message or, in some cases, completely misunderstand it.
RăspundețiȘtergereTo this end, the Grammar Police will always be here to serve and protect, keeping a watchful eye on your future creative writing endeavors.
xoxo,
The Grammar Police
...and so another series of CSI "Photobloggers" ends...
RăspundețiȘtergere@TheAnti, Canibal: daca Anonim(ele)- pff si se tot aduna :)) - ar fi folosit un nick, eventual o poza oarecare, atunci ar fi fost vreo diferenta in raspunsurile voastre?
frate, deja devine enervant...anonima 1, anonima 2....ce nu va asumati ceea ce spuneti si gata.....si e.e. cummings nu si a bagat asa picioarele pur si simplu in sintaxa si ortografie....ca nu degeaba a fost un mare pasionat de jazz si de cubism...asa cum si Lewis Carroll si John Steinbeck si Zora Neale Hurston( si pot sa ti dau o mare lista de scriitori americani) au scris intr un fel anume cu un scop precis, asa a facut si cummings....
RăspundețiȘtergereconcluzia: hai sa nu o mai ardem gen gossip girl cu xoxo uri si mai bine sa ne dam arama pe fata....e cel mai corect
plus ca suntem si noi curiosi: cine se ascunde dupa acel "Anonim"?
As I said before I respect the idea and dont think about the person writing it. It is the internet after all and usual ways of identification dont work and I think is for the best.
RăspundețiȘtergereSo no, it doesnt make any difference for me if i know who is behind the nick name or i dont.
On the rest of the comments:
- I know ... it is not the first time i get criticism because of the syntax, but frankly i dont really care about it. I am interested in avoiding stupid mistakes (e.g. "I is" instead of "I am"). For me the perfect syntax, the use of words as they are defined in the dictionary is ment for official papers/writings (e.g. laws) for anything else one should use improvisation, redefinition of words, phrases. Therefore i am not going to make my syntax perfect or even close to perfect. But any criticism is good.
- on "I can read myself a history book" - see comment no. 9 (i think) the one at 19:50. It is not about the fact that he is able to read, but rather about understanding, analysing the information.
- I had no idea about "despise" ... thanks. After i saw your comment i made a reserch on my own.
- i know about "agree with me" - but it was a syllable to much, so I had to shorten it.
- spelling I guess you reffer to "wont" or "youre" - blame the keyboard :) During the same day I use 3 different keyboards and computers, 2 of them have the keys mixed and it is hard to use signs like " ` > ... now i am home keyboard, set on english so its what i am used to.
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” - Sir Winston Churchill
RăspundețiȘtergereTheAnti, as long as you know that my comments were not meant to be anything more than constructive - and I believe with all certainty that you do - we have an understanding. The Grammar Police is always here to help, not harass or troll mindlessly.
With that in mind, all of us here at the GP would like to wish you the best of luck and inspiration with your writing.
Yours truly,
The Grammar Police
@TheAnti:We both speak the same language.
RăspundețiȘtergereMa bucur foarte mult ca ai inteles exact ce am vrut sa-ti transmit prin comentariul meu (cel de la 19:50). Fii creativ, exprima-ti ideile asa cum simti tu, pt. sintaxa si restul exista proof readers, editori etc. Creativitatea insa nu se invata.
Apreciez si faptul ca nu faci presiuni asupra identitatii cititorilor anonimi.
Sper sa mai avem ocazia sa dialogam pe marginea a ceea ce scrii.
Anonima "provocatoare" din postul anterior
@ GP - dont worry I can take criticism, I dont behave like a kid who goes in the corner and cries if someone tells him he did anything wrong and to be honest i dislike people who act in a such manner.
RăspundețiȘtergereAbout your quote from Winston Churchill ... well how should I put it - I dont think it is a good motto for speacking about constructive comments, but rather useing critique to change ”that unhealthy thing” no matter if it is agreed with the other part or not, but just because you feel it must be changed.
Dont forget Winston Churchill is a politician so the things he said are not ment to bring ”constructive criticism”, but oppose his perspective to the others perspective ... so it is more like a conflictual state not a consensual one.
Nevertheless as I said in the first sentence of this reply i dont take criticism in a bad way. Usually I take it as ”constructive criticism”, so I guess we have an understanding.
@ anonymous - the other anonymous :P - You know what I hate most? Different people that agree or disagree a idea, not because they like or dislike the idea but because they like/dislike the individual that supports it, or because that individual is infamous or influencial.
Anonymity here allows putting forward the idea not the individual so it can be considered a step forward from the previous scenario.
PS I dont know why I am writing in english, it was Cannibal s commandment months ago
Ha! Am prins Politia la colt (nu stiu cum de nu am observat de ieri!)
RăspundețiȘtergereDear Grammar Police,
I really think you should consult a grammar book soon, in order to refresh your knowledge on proper English. In your first (scholarly written) comment on what proper grammar is or should be, you make yourself an unacceptable mistake (and not only once!) for a representative of such an high institution: don't you know that the names of languages are ALWAYS CAPITALIZED in English? Therefore it should have been: "translation from Romanian" and "more common in British". By the way, I have never heard in my life of a language called British. Only British English sounds familiar to my ordinary ears.
Please understand that your status does not allow me to be tolerant with you (as I would have been with the rest of us - ordinary people - ).
...and don't take it personally, but I really don't like the idea of police interfering with poetry!
Anonima "provocatoare" din postul anterior
Picky, picky little one :P
RăspundețiȘtergereAnonymous,
RăspundețiȘtergereI feel like I must excuse myself for my orthographic mistake, capitalization is indeed very important and obviously faulty in my first comment.
And while my mention of "British" was more of a common (widely accepted) colloquialism for British English - because as you can note from my past comments, my tone is not necessarily scholarly and rigid - a British languange in itself is actually documented and is also known as Celtic or Brythonic.
With that in mind, I pardon myself again for setting a bad example capitalization-wise, this will probably come out of my salary.
As for our "interfering" with poetry, our goal is merely to guide and help those like TheAnti and make the Internet a safer place for any literature-loving individuals who find themselves wrangling with this wonderful language the we hold so dear.
"Keep calm and carry on."
Sincerely,
The Grammar Police
I must inform you that deleting an official Grammar Police comment can be viewed as an offensive action and may force us to reciprocate.
RăspundețiȘtergereHuh?
RăspundețiȘtergereThe only person who can delete comments in canibal and i doubt he would do that. Nevertheless even if a post is deleted a log would still be present in the comment section.
Check the only example of a deleted comment on this blog:
http://ilanfotoblogeri.blogspot.com/2010/07/friday-its-magical-day-its-music-day_23.html#comments
the first one - deleted because the dude advertised some stuff.
@Anonim: Your comment was in Spam section. Problem solved. Next time you have problems on this blog, you can ask for help, but DO NOT THREATEN!!!
RăspundețiȘtergereThen this is strange. It must be the rebels trying to undermine our authority. Ah well, I'll just reformulate then.
RăspundețiȘtergereDear Anonymous,
I feel like I must excuse myself for my orthographic mistake, capitalization is indeed very important and obviously faulty in my first comment.
However, though my mention of "British" is nothing more than a common (widely accepted) colloquialism for British English - because, as you may have noticed, my tone is in no way scholarly or rigid - it is false to assume that an actual British language in itself does not exist. In truth the British language has been documented, though you may know it by its more common names: Celtic or Brythonic.
With this in mind, I pardon myself for setting a bad example capitalization-wise and I'm sure that it will come out of my salary.
As for our "interfering" with poetry, please know that the Grammar Police is only here to guide and help those who wrangle with this language that we hold so dear, and protect those innocent literature-loving Internet users from the horrors of badly written content. We do not wish to enforce creative limits, however we can tell the differences between deliberate mistakes and unintentional ones. The latter being the threat which we mean to eliminate. Our motto is "Know the rules so that you can break them".
"Keep calm and carry on."
Sincerely,
The Grammar Police
P.S.
RăspundețiȘtergereI'm happy to see that it was just a big misunderstanding that cleared up. Canibal, we did not wish to threaten, but merely inform you that such actions are considered a very serious offense.
The Grammar Police
I hope you will stop informing me that often.
RăspundețiȘtergere@The Grammar Police:"My style is in no way schlorly or rigid"! Hahahaha! Do you ever re-read your posts?
RăspundețiȘtergereDear Grammar Police,
I have to confess that your comments keep on disappointing me bitterly. You assert that there is a British language and that ignorant people, like myself of course, might know it under the name of Celtic or Brythonic. Please take an encyclopedia from your (obviously overloaded) bookshelf and do some research. We can not talk about a single Celtic language, but about a family of Celtic languages. So, there are several "British languages". Which one did you mean in your first comment? Please, pardon my ignorance.
@all: sorry for turning the conversation into an English language tutorial (I know it's boring), but I must stand against the police.
Come on...when I found this blog it seemed OK, nice pics, funny guys, some interesting topics. Now it becomes annoying towards boring...
RăspundețiȘtergereUnless the owners of the blog like this discussion, I would suggest to continue it on a forum dedicated to English lovers... or fanatics.
@missy: I uploaded new pictures, you can watch them instead.
RăspundețiȘtergereOh, Canibal,here we meet again!
RăspundețiȘtergereStop dreaming and make it real!
RăspundețiȘtergereWhy little Canibal? I enjoy playing!
RăspundețiȘtergereObviously, you missed my point.
RăspundețiȘtergereMen and women...it's always the same!
RăspundețiȘtergereBy the way, how drunk were you when you wrote the comment?
Pentru chat exista messenger. As prefera sa continuati discutii de genul asta acolo.
RăspundețiȘtergere@Anonim:
RăspundețiȘtergereHere is a challenge! My messenger id is: iron_han . Yours? You can send your id at iron_han@yahoo.com, if you are shy :))))
@Canibal:
RăspundețiȘtergereSi despre ce, ma rog, vom palavragi noi pe chat?
Come on, Canibal, si tu, si eu suntem mult prea inteligenti pentru faza de messenger. Continua sa postezi lucruri interesante si eu iti voi raspunde. Daca vom comunica bine (cel putin la fel de bine ca acum:-))), ne vom intalni direct, "pe viu".
That's my challenge.